Its Mine to Tell (:: The day I fell the hardest

xx Hazelllll xx

Okay. I didn’t fall. Not literally. Emotionally, yes :|

I felt so picked on. I felt bullied. I felt so disappointed. I felt so tired. I felt like I don’t even have any energy to argue back or stand up for myself. Did you have to give it to me today? Did you have to embarrass me infront of the whole class today? Did you have to constantly pick on me? You caught me off guard, I didn’t know what to say – my hands trembled. I know I shouldn’t make any excuses as to why I didn’t know what you guys were yapping the whole time. All I know is I slept at 6am because I rushed my Company Law assignment which is also due today. Didn’t go for the morning IBIS lecture because I know I couldn’t be bothered to sleep at 6am and wake up 8am. Also, I despise this subject so so much. Business Information Systems? ROARRRRRR! I don’t want to be associated with IT. The theories don’t interest me at all. Its so so not like my law subjects where they tell me a story, they give me a conclusion to why the decision is like that and what not. But this subject is so… BORING, SO DULL! =x

I really wanted to scream at you when you gave me that look. Other students asked you nicely, you answered them nicely. When I asked you nicely, you gave me that effing look! Seriously, I felt like smacking the crap out of that face. You have a problem with me, you tell me. The fact that you had to embarrass me infront of the class was to show that you had authority over me and that you could do anything in that stupid authority of yours to humiliate me. Well guess what, I reckon you’re just too much of a coward to come tell me you have a problem with me. A good teacher would ask me to stay back for awhile and have a talk with me. But I guess you’re not a good teacher, so you did what you did huh?

I am not like any other Asian groups where you think you can push me around. I don’t have difficulty speaking the language. I bet in that brain of yours, you reckon that all Asians have difficulty speaking English iizit? Well guess what sister!!!! You’re not any better. Seriously, your fake Australian accent is failing you so so bad! You’re obviously from some middle eastern country or some European country, thinking Asians cannot converse in English. I always observe the way you look at the Vietnamese guy who presents his work infront of the class. Yes, he stutters here and there, but at least he puts in effort to present in the simplest way possible. But you constantly have that puzzled look on your face – so discouraging! I don’t stutter when I speak, so if you want to talk to me, come and talk to me! Don’t give me that look and expect me to live with it. Annoyed. Im sure you’re 3 times my age but the way you acted the way you did today tells me that you’re a girl who’s half my age.

Wednesday is the longest and most tiring day because I have to spend my whole day in uni. When you show that stupid face of yours to me from 12.30pm –2.30pm, you’re only going to ruin the rest of the 5 hours I have in uni afterwards. Grrr. I am so so tempted to write you an email and forwarding it to Adi (Conveyor) and the Head of the Business Faculty. After speaking to Angela and Lance, I really really am tempted to. I wanted to stand up for myself.

However, on the way back to the city, I talked to HS about it. Once he said, “whats the point of confronting her?”, I had this immediate realization. He sounded like my dad :( He told me what I didn’t want to hear – I felt so so sensitive that I just kept quiet - “You were the one who skipped 2 weeks of tute and couldn’t present any results during your progress review.” “Might as well just do what you’re supposed to do and be done with this subject.”

I swear, my eyes became all watery. If its my dad, im 100% sure he is gonna say the exact same words to me.

At the same time, HS, you’re so insensitive to a girl’s feelings. Roar. But nonetheless, I appreciate your honesty. From the time I got to know you, you have never once told me anything that seems pleasant to my ears. You have been quite harsh all along. Ohh wells. Part of being phleg eh? :)

Came to a conclusion : Not going to confront her; not writing her an email or whatever. I’m just going to do the assignment and let her check it next week. Then I can be “IN YOUR FACE” :P Telling myself I am not going to fail this subject. I don’t want to retake this subject and face you anymore. I’m going to live my dreams and insignificant people like yourself will not matter to me. Wheeee! :D

Someone was so moody today. In the train, you wondered why I didn’t approach you in the library. Well, my explanation was easy – I knew you were tired. I just wanted you to rest. Since we stayed up together last night, I reckon you needed the rest more than I do because you have a test tomorrow also. Hmmm… Ohh ohhh ohhh, I love writing on post its and sticking em on you. Teehee! (: You will have that :O face on you. SHOOOO CUTE! Didn’t chat w you tonight because I know you were gonna burn the midnight oil, so might as well not distract you any further :) A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. HEHE! Good luck tomorrow ♥

We have known each other for more than a month now ehh? Had laughs, lame jokes, intense discussions which led to minor arguments etc. Been to events together. BGR talk esp :) Remember this? Instead of thinking : “Is she/he the one for me?” , think about “How can I be the one for her/him?” ;) ;) Having the list is essential but I reckon that its all about how someone could be the one for me. Now I have to start thinking about what I can do and change in order for me to be THE ONE for someone. The fact that we both have discussed about how we want a relationship to be heading towards marriage, we have the same view and seriousness in this matter.